and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
