doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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