watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
