I bet he comes in French.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
