i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
