and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You may now shotgun with the bride
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
