Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we should paint friendship bongs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
And then he peed in my hair
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