My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
