i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
