I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this will be a night to untag.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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