I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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