you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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