i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
