how can u be prego again
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
