why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
