You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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