'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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