Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
