I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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