RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
