Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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