Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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