me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Terrible idea I love it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
