How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
