she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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