Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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