3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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