you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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