Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
