I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
