Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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