Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
