walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
