please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
