It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
