He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
