i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize