I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
