I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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