do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
