I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
