I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
