it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
