Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
