I must be too annoying 4 u.
youre lurking in front of me
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
