That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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