I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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