So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
