he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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