if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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