There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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