K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
