dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
