She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize