I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
