i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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