i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
