i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
