i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
