SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
