i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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