i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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