Can Purell be used as lube?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
