so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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