so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
