just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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