shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
