I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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