that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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