dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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