Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize