don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
