i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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