Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
