White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
