He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
