Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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