the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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