from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
