I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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