just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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