Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
