see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
