I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I cut my penus on the lid.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
