i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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